I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
