so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
