Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
