Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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