The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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