I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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