at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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