my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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