it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
