Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
