Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
