Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
