I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
