I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if only i could text you this smell
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
