so that wasnt chicken after all
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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