hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
