DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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