Just mADE A PArabola og urine
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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