Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
