I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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