saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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