at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
