im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
