fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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