So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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