I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
