So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
