Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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