I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
