Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.

Fav 4 1441 3003
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(903): View more from Texas

We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?

Fav 2 1641 877
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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning

Fav 10 1798 1139
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(708): View more from Illinois

They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters

Fav 2 1358 911
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Do what your heart wants. . .

(504): View more from Louisiana

My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis

Fav 7 2843 1145
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(248): View more from Michigan

No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

Fav 26 4064 978
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?

Fav 3 472 760
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(647): View more from Ontario

The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.

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