i just wanna soil my oats bro
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
