i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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