I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
