there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize