Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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