just tell him i said nine months
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
