I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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