His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
two words...techno handjob
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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