onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Acid is not a monday night drug
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
