He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
