Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize