this just has baby written all over it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
