I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
