It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize