No stitches, just platelets and will power
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
