Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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