I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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