3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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