Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
