He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
