dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
