My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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