new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
