so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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