PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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