You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
