Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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