My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
