So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
