bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
