I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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