I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
