I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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