If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
