my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
