You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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