i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
